Those Days

Healthy smoothie totally cancels the junk out. Right..?
It’s one of those days. I knew it would be at around 5am, when Olivia was stirring too much to re-settle back to sleep. She ended up properly waking at 5:30am and I have only myself to blame – I jinxed her. Last night at yoga I was telling the girls how Olivia has been waking around 6:30/7am which is considered a sleep in in this house. Since birth she has woken around 5am, with 5:30am being a sleep in! The last 2 or so weeks have been wonderful, getting up later, eating later, doing one good nap during the day etc. And I was proudly telling my girlfriends and the very next morning she wakes early. My fault.
I wouldn’t mind so much, if she wasn’t so bloody grumpy. 
So this morning I did a trip to the shops to post my parcel for the FMS Gift Exchange and picked up a block of Cadbury, half price. Fine, two blocks. Don’t judge me. I’m on struggle street today. For your information I’m yet to crack into them… I’m too busy inhaling the Cheezels pictured above. The shame!
I know I’m not the only one who uses food as comfort. Yet I still beat myself up for it.
It’s the one thing I’ve struggled with since changing our “diet”. We eat a mainly vegan and gluten free diet, and really try to eat no refined sugar. I make everything from scratch, from our morning cereal to our snacks, dinners and even our drinks. But when I’m emotional/tired/angry/struggling those foods don’t cut it. I really need to find an alternative! 
So much to do today. Cereal and jam to make, washing to hang out (yep, at midday) and a toilet to clean. But I think I might go nap with O!


The smallest things can brighten up my day. Today it was seeing 3 flowers on a plant in the backyard that was pretty burnt from the bush fire (I thought it was well and truly dead). Earlier this week it was receiving this thank you card. Regardless of the message of the card, how are those colours and cute illustrations not going to make you smile? And why is the art of sending thank you cards pretty much dead? Or sending any cards. Or sending snail mail in general..? Maybe you have someone to thank… send them a thank you card!

Parenting kindly isn’t always easy. The other day I found myself having a moment of clarity. A moment where afterwards I said “fuck I’m proud of myself”. Long story short, the babes was over-tired but struggling to
“let go” (my term) and slip into sweet baby dreams. She was fussing in my arms, biting my nipple and generally being hard to handle, despite me knowing she really needed sleep. She ended up almost hysterical, screaming and crying and flailing around, hitting me (probably not on purpose ;)).
I wanted to yell and shout back at her and cry my own tears. I wanted to shake her by the shoulders and scream “What the fuck do you want?!” But I took a breath, crouched down to her level and asked myself what kind of parent do you want to be right now? I reminded myself the quote I’ve used a lot in my 14 months of parenting: she isn’t giving you a hard time, she is having a hard time. She needed me. She walked into my open arms for a cuddle and the sniffles and tears dried up and not long later she did drift off to sleep, with sweet warm mumma milk going into her little belly. It reminded me that she picks up on my mood and my state of mind so much. As soon as I took a second to breathe and talk to myself, she responded too. How do parents just let them cry it out…? 😦
I’ve been feeling so over whelmed lately with the generosity of the community and organizations, helping those affected by the bush fires. We’ve received help from St Vinnies and the Salvos and now we have a group of strangers trying to find items for us to replace what we lost in the fire. They asked for pictures and
Yet I still feel unworthy of help and guilty almost. I sit here wanting to help those who lost their homes around me. I feel like they are the victims, not me. And then I remember that shit, yes, we did lost possessions too in the fire. 
It’s made me grateful for where I live. This community is like no other. It’s a shame a disaster like this has had to happen to bring us all together, but it’s the silver lining, in my eyes. The community has a sense of pride about it… no one is coming forward for help or handouts. Amazing yet ridiculous. 
There’s now a Christmas party being thrown by us local residents for us local residents. And then word got out about it and suddenly it was decided that no one down here (house still standing or not) should have to think about Christmas and all the drama that goes with party planning, presents, budgeting etc. So now people from all over the state are donating to our party. We’ve got the girl guide hall sorted as the venue and people are sending gifts for kids, teenagers, adults and the elderly. Everything from food, a DJ, tables, and Santa Claus is being donated to our party! It’s insane and again, over whelming. 
Big corporations (like Foodbank for example) are doing their bit for us and it’s just bloody amazing.
Before the fire, there were not even 1000 people in my town, and with only 4 or 5 streets in the suburb, we’re pretty exclusive down here… so it’s going to be a beautiful party and a good chance for us all to mingle and have some FUN after such a horrible and hard time.
Have you seen these Fairy Doors? They are fucking adorable. I wish Olivia was older, sometimes. I would buy these even if I didn’t have a child. I love the magical mystical idea of them… the tiny golden key is only able to be used by the tiny fairies for their tiny door. You can buy accessories and even themed doors for Christmas. They come in an assortment of colours and did I mention they are teeny tiny?! I’m selling them over at my homewares/gift store here. I think I’ll get one for Olivia and keep it for next Christmas… she’ll be 2 then and hopefully understand the idea!
Everything seems so out of whack lately, myself included. I’ve lost my momentum. Daily routine is gone… you’re lucky if I remember to cook the babe some lunch! I seem to be in a daze every day. I find Olivia looking bored. A 13 month old bored??? Energy levels are at an all time low.
My neck and back are giving me serious grief. Hubby is forcing me to see a chiro or masseuse or whoever will help me. He must be sick of my whinging, hah!
This year has been a shitty one. Truly. And the past 3 months in particular seem to have been the worst of it. One thing after another keeps happening or going wrong. I’m starting to feel traumatized! 
It seems like a lot of folks are copping the shake from the universe. It doesn’t just seem to be me. I read a bit about this Saturn Returning thing which apparently doesn’t apply to me because I’m only 25. Right. So I don’t know what I can blame my life being upside down on, but gosh I’m ready for some normality again. Maybe it’s because I have not one, not two, but THREE mirrors opposite my front door. I just found out this is a big no-no in Feng Shui! So um, I think they’ll look good in the hallway, hah! Onto it.

The Best Time Of Year

I can’t believe it’s already November. And halfway through it, at that. Crazy.
Yesterday we put the Christmas Tree up. Usually we wait til the first Saturday in December, a tradition from when I was a kid. But 3-4 weeks of Christmas just isn’t enough for me. I want to enjoy my decorations and the spirit of the season. So hubby dragged the tree down from the roof and while Olivia ate pasta in her high chair I got to assembling the tree.
This year we’ve put less decorations on. Last year you could hardly make out the tree under the amount of baubles we had so this year it seems a bit bare but it’s also kind of nice and simple. We got Olivia to put the tree topper on, with her Dad’s help of course.
The best part of putting the Christmas Tree up has been teaching Olivia not to touch it. That was sarcasm by the way. We had a barrier/cage around it at the start but she is too clever for those contraptions now. She just pulls it away or reaches through the bars. So… a good old “ah ah ah AH!” or “Olivia, NO!” when the tree starts to topple has been working for us. The poor thing just want a candy cane I think!
Smelling the tree – the only thing she is allowed to do with it.
I’ve got a fair few decorations around the house. There’s little bits of Christmas all around my house but I didn’t photograph them all. It’s been fun buying all the decorations designed for kids! I’ve even got a “Santa Stop Here” sign for the garden in the front yard. 
I was stoked to find an “Outback Shack” gingerbread house kit in Coles last week. Completely unhealthy and full of shit but it’s once a year… and “outback shack”?! How Aussie can you get! And it’s totally me (my passion and past lies with farm life). I was excited to start decorating it the other day, while Olivia was asleep. It was going okay at the start.. I even manage to add some colourful balls. Yay! And then I wanted nothing more than to chuck the fucking thing in the bin. It wasn’t working. The awning wouldn’t stay up and the whole thing collapsed into a pile.
So I left it like that and put it in a container and we’ve been eating it all weekend. Hello sugar headaches!
Do you love or loathe Christmas?

Cranky Pants: On!

Peaches Geldof (left) and Katie Hopkins.

What the actual fuck is wrong with Katie Hopkins? 

If you haven’t heard about the Katie VS Peaches video, watch this Youtube video.

I knew where the video was going just by the sour look on Katie’s face the whole time Peaches Geldof was talking. For 24 years old, Peaches comes across as a well-rounded and mature woman. Much more so than the over-tanned Katie next to her who is 14 years older! I follow Peaches on Instagram and she is always getting put down for the way she parents. She has numerous snaps of her using a forward facing baby carrier (a big no-no in regards to the development of a baby’s hips) and is always blasted for it. But then the poor girl had to be in front of paparazzi when her boy pretty much fell out of the pram as it tipped over in a pothole, and she was blasted for that too (and shame on Katie for mentioning it!) so she can’t win.

I agree with Peaches  – it’s sad that this “style” of parenting even has to have a name. I’d rather call it “instinctual parenting” if we must label it. I for one found everything I do with Olivia to be 100% instinctual. Doesn’t that mean something? Do people realize the western countries are really the odd ones out in all this? AP “guidelines” aren’t new, and they certainly aren’t a fad. 

But this video… phew!

The comments that pissed me off were ones like “When you walk into Costa, you can virtually smell the breast milk on them”, meaning the parents who practice AP.  For the record, Katie, there are women who breastfeed their babies and DON’T practice attachment parenting but that’s really not the point, is it. In this current day, we need to be encouraging breastfeeding more than ever, and not saying remarks like that which are sure to discourage new breastfeeding mothers. 

Or how about the dolly comment? Co-sleepers haven’t grown out of playing with dollies apparently! She’s got to be a joke, right? This lady…!

And the golden one she blurted out a few times “attachment parents are crap parents”. Well that’s just an insult and really got me angry! I was open-mouthed at the laptop at 7am, wanting to bitch-smack the shit out of her through the screen.

I’m proud of the way I parent. We co-sleep, breast feed, baby wear (when she lets me), and I respond to my babies cries. I’ve bonded beautifully with my daughter, and truly believe all of the AP things I do will only benefit her as she grows and develops. It won’t “spoil” her or make her too “clingy” or “dependent”. In fact, research has shown that being there for my child now actually helps a child feel safer and therefore more independent as they grow older. 

I’ve copped a lot of flack for the way I parent, from strangers, friends and sadly even my own family. But I’m really confident with the way my husband and I have chosen to parent Olivia. We feel secure in our choices and actions and we’re also lucky enough to be surrounded by a community where AP is a popular way of parenting. We have a lot of support, and I choose to surround myself with these parents, rather than the friends and family who are judgmental of us.

I’m going to say what I believe it comes down to: Katie Hopkins is so aggressively fired up about this topic because SHE FEELS GUILTY  for the way she has parented/is parenting her 6 children (3 of which are her own, 3 are step children). She obviously doesn’t feel 100% secure and comfortable with how she’s raised her kids. Do you agree?

Now have a laugh at the numerous websites taking the piss out of Katie Hopkins, such as this one.

Becoming Adult

You know what’s scaring the crap out of me?
This one:

She’s growing up so quickly. It seems she has gone through a massive developmental milestone in the last couple of weeks. She seems so much more… adult like. She understands more (I’ve been waiting to communicate for so long!) and has picked up new skills that I don’t even know where she learnt them from Her personality shines through more and more with each Wonder Week. I love watching her learn and explore, play and grow. It’s a shame we don’t have memories of this age.

I’ve come here to list some things that stick out about her at the moment:

  • She laughs at the blender, vacuum cleaner and loud noises in general.
  • She likes to fall backwards. It took a few times for her to realize she can’t do it on the floorboards – it’s an activity best reserved for the bed or couch.
  • She walks around with her hand to her ear (sometimes holding an object, even a phone) pretending to be on the phone. If the phone rings, she says “eh” “EH” “EH” “eh” “eh” while touching her ear and makes any conversation with the caller fairly difficult for me.
  • She is still obsessed with popcorn. I pop it at home, add a drizzle of good quality oil and some nutritional/savoury yeast.
  • Her love affair with The Wiggles has begun. She loves that “Do The Propeller” song and “Big Red Car”. 
  • She is completely inconsistent with her naps. Yesterday she did a solid 4 hour block. Today was not even 1 hour. She’s killin’ me.
  • She’s always getting into trouble for biting. She bites everything – the couch, the pillow case, my arm, the remote, herself, her drink bottle, the bean bag, iPhone cables… you name it. And not a typical baby suck and dribble… no this is a damn good bite. Sometimes she even clamps down and then pulls, until the object (god forbid, my nipple) slides through her teeth under extreme duress. I can’t even blame teething.
  • She is damn fast. She started walking at 10 months. These days she runs everywhere. So fast that sometimes I lose her. She’s a sneaky little thing.
  • She thinks farts are funny. As in, her own farts. She’s starting to become more bodily aware. And bodily function aware. The fun begins!
  • She already gets bored inside when it rains. Don’t we all!

Bad Blogger

I’ve been a bad blogger.

I haven’t written in awhile. I haven’t posted photos. I haven’t shared new recipes.
I’m feeling a bit stuck. Not necessarily writers block. I have plenty I want to carry on about! But I feel like I’m still finding my niche here. 
I’ve been blogging since 2002. That’s 13 long years. Sure I was a teenager when I started and I’m fairly certain no one wants to dig those posts up (teenage angst, what a riveting read that would be!) but still, I’ve been around awhile. A blogging veteran perhaps? Yet I feel like a blogging virgin. 
For starters, this is a whole new platform I’m using. Where I used to blog is going down the shitter. There, I blogged about more personal things and rambled about daily happenings. Here, I’m still trying to find my spot. I feel like a dog that goes round and round in circles before it finally finds it’s spot to sit down and snuggle in for the night. I’m that dog, still going in circles… and god damn it I want to SIT!
I just don’t feel comfortable here yet. But I also love it at the same time. I feel like I’m holding back a bit here, compared to my old blog. Perhaps because my parents know this blog address, hah!
I don’t have my usual old audience to write for. I barely get any comments, yet my blog stats are in the thousands of visitors.
Even my blog design… it still doesn’t feel right. 
I’m just not comfortable yet.
But please stick with me. I’m trying to stop circling and plonk my butt down and settle in like my bad dog analogy above.