Miscellaneous

The smallest things can brighten up my day. Today it was seeing 3 flowers on a plant in the backyard that was pretty burnt from the bush fire (I thought it was well and truly dead). Earlier this week it was receiving this thank you card. Regardless of the message of the card, how are those colours and cute illustrations not going to make you smile? And why is the art of sending thank you cards pretty much dead? Or sending any cards. Or sending snail mail in general..? Maybe you have someone to thank… send them a thank you card!

Parenting kindly isn’t always easy. The other day I found myself having a moment of clarity. A moment where afterwards I said “fuck I’m proud of myself”. Long story short, the babes was over-tired but struggling to
“let go” (my term) and slip into sweet baby dreams. She was fussing in my arms, biting my nipple and generally being hard to handle, despite me knowing she really needed sleep. She ended up almost hysterical, screaming and crying and flailing around, hitting me (probably not on purpose ;)).

I wanted to yell and shout back at her and cry my own tears. I wanted to shake her by the shoulders and scream “What the fuck do you want?!” But I took a breath, crouched down to her level and asked myself what kind of parent do you want to be right now? I reminded myself the quote I’ve used a lot in my 14 months of parenting: she isn’t giving you a hard time, she is having a hard time. She needed me. She walked into my open arms for a cuddle and the sniffles and tears dried up and not long later she did drift off to sleep, with sweet warm mumma milk going into her little belly. It reminded me that she picks up on my mood and my state of mind so much. As soon as I took a second to breathe and talk to myself, she responded too. How do parents just let them cry it out…? 😦

I’ve been feeling so over whelmed lately with the generosity of the community and organizations, helping those affected by the bush fires. We’ve received help from St Vinnies and the Salvos and now we have a group of strangers trying to find items for us to replace what we lost in the fire. They asked for pictures and

Yet I still feel unworthy of help and guilty almost. I sit here wanting to help those who lost their homes around me. I feel like they are the victims, not me. And then I remember that shit, yes, we did lost possessions too in the fire. 

It’s made me grateful for where I live. This community is like no other. It’s a shame a disaster like this has had to happen to bring us all together, but it’s the silver lining, in my eyes. The community has a sense of pride about it… no one is coming forward for help or handouts. Amazing yet ridiculous. 

There’s now a Christmas party being thrown by us local residents for us local residents. And then word got out about it and suddenly it was decided that no one down here (house still standing or not) should have to think about Christmas and all the drama that goes with party planning, presents, budgeting etc. So now people from all over the state are donating to our party. We’ve got the girl guide hall sorted as the venue and people are sending gifts for kids, teenagers, adults and the elderly. Everything from food, a DJ, tables, and Santa Claus is being donated to our party! It’s insane and again, over whelming. 

Big corporations (like Foodbank for example) are doing their bit for us and it’s just bloody amazing.

Before the fire, there were not even 1000 people in my town, and with only 4 or 5 streets in the suburb, we’re pretty exclusive down here… so it’s going to be a beautiful party and a good chance for us all to mingle and have some FUN after such a horrible and hard time.

Have you seen these Fairy Doors? They are fucking adorable. I wish Olivia was older, sometimes. I would buy these even if I didn’t have a child. I love the magical mystical idea of them… the tiny golden key is only able to be used by the tiny fairies for their tiny door. You can buy accessories and even themed doors for Christmas. They come in an assortment of colours and did I mention they are teeny tiny?! I’m selling them over at my homewares/gift store here. I think I’ll get one for Olivia and keep it for next Christmas… she’ll be 2 then and hopefully understand the idea!

Everything seems so out of whack lately, myself included. I’ve lost my momentum. Daily routine is gone… you’re lucky if I remember to cook the babe some lunch! I seem to be in a daze every day. I find Olivia looking bored. A 13 month old bored??? Energy levels are at an all time low.

My neck and back are giving me serious grief. Hubby is forcing me to see a chiro or masseuse or whoever will help me. He must be sick of my whinging, hah!

This year has been a shitty one. Truly. And the past 3 months in particular seem to have been the worst of it. One thing after another keeps happening or going wrong. I’m starting to feel traumatized! 

It seems like a lot of folks are copping the shake from the universe. It doesn’t just seem to be me. I read a bit about this Saturn Returning thing which apparently doesn’t apply to me because I’m only 25. Right. So I don’t know what I can blame my life being upside down on, but gosh I’m ready for some normality again. Maybe it’s because I have not one, not two, but THREE mirrors opposite my front door. I just found out this is a big no-no in Feng Shui! So um, I think they’ll look good in the hallway, hah! Onto it.